guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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