i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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