i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
