College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
