i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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