Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So much rum. So many feels.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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