Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
