I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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