She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
