Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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