The maid of honor just puked.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want nice things and good sex
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
