I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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