i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
