when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
