apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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