Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
