The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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