he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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