Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Let's get the cat blown out
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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