You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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