Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
