And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I currently don't understand fingers.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
