Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
