I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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