Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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