he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
