dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
