Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
