Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
