I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
