I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
