a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
