It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
