Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
