when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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