I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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