so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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