If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
