Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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