Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
