I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His hands were made for my vagina.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
