We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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