If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she told me i tasted like america
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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