when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
