There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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