I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
