Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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