oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you so shy because you have an std?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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