I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
