Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
