my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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